What causes low self-esteem?

It is not possible to point to one cause of low self-esteem for everyone, because each of us follows a different path through life. The formation of your core beliefs about yourself is a complex process.

Your own inborn nature or temperament will play a role, but your experiences and relationships with the people around you also have an important part to play.

Negative experiences in childhood are often particularly damaging to self-esteem. In your early years your personality and sense of self is being formed, and harmful experiences can leave you feeling that you are not valued or important. You have not had a chance to build up any resilience, so this negative view can become the one that you believe about yourself.

Significant negative experiences in adult life can also shake core beliefs and cause them to change. This will normally happen over time and you might not realise at first that your self-esteem is being lowered. Experiences that commonly impact on people’s beliefs include:

• being subject to abuse – sexual, emotional or physical, and the loss of control associated with this
• having your physical and emotional needs neglected in childhood
• failing to meet the expectations of your parents
• feeling like the 'odd one out' at school
• coming from a community which often experiences prejudice, such as being an asylum seeker, or being poor but living in a wealthy neighbourhood
• peer pressure to conform to social norms which you don't agree with
• bullying or excessive pressures at work
• trauma
• physical ill-health – its impact on your quality of life and activities you can do
• bereavement
• facing redundancy or being unemployed
• social isolation and loneliness.  

The way you feel about experiences such as these will depend on lots of other factors, but negative core beliefs about your intelligence, appearance and abilities will often be formed:

 I think I’m ugly and unattractive. Other people are more intelligent, talented and interesting than me. Most people wouldn’t want to spend any time with me because of these things.

When something happens that reminds you of these significant experiences, you expect the worst and are likely to react badly. Your low expectations are likely to be at the back of your mind all the time.

• You will probably feel anxious and might shake, blush and panic .
• You may also try to avoid the situation all together, or behave in a way that you think will keep you 'safe', e.g. not going to a social event on your own.

This reaction is likely to confirm the negative core beliefs you have about yourself and leave you feeling you have even less chance of coping with a similar situation in the future.

This cycle might seem unbreakable, but it is crucial to remember that these are beliefs, not facts, and they can be changed.

Source; mind.org.uk