Great Video by Jim Rohn

What is Love?

Poets and authors have tried to define love for centuries, whereas scientists have only recently started. Many of us know intuitively that love is a major purpose for living; that connection is inherent in all that we do, and without love, we cannot survive as a species.
But what is love, and how do we know when we're in it? First, let's start off with what love isn't.
What Is Love?

 It Definitely Isn't...

•Manipulation. "If you loved me, then you would..." isn't love, but rather infatuation.

•Compromising who you are. If someone asks you to do or say something that isn't in your nature, that isn't true love. Although love does involve compromises between partners, someone who is in love with you will never ask you to change who you are in order to be loved.

•Violent. Passions can definitely become inflamed with someone you love, but a relationship with physical or emotional violence isn't true love.

•Just lust. Yes, chemistry and physical attraction are important, but true love also includes commitment, trust and respect.

So then, what exactly is love?

True Love Is...

•True Love is Caring. The ancient Greeks had many different names for different forms of love: passion, virtuous, affection for the family, desire, and general affection. But no matter how love is defined, they all hold a common trait: caring.

•True Love is Attractive. Attraction and chemistry form the bond that allows people to mate. Without this romantic desire for another individual, a relationship is nothing more than lust or infatuation.

•True Love is Attached. Like the mother-child bond, attachment comes after the initial attraction. Attachment is the long term love that appears anywhere from one to three years into a romantic relationship (sometimes sooner and very rarely after), and you'll know you've found it when you can honestly say, "I've seen the worst and the best you have to offer, and I still love you," while your partner feels the same way.

•True Love is Commited. When it comes to true love, commitment is more than just monogamy. Its the knowledge that your partner cares for you and has your back, no matter what the circumstances. People who are strongly commited to one another will, when faced with seemingly negative information about their partner, see only the positive. For example, a friend comments that your partner doesn't say a lot. "Ah yes, he's the strong, silent type," you reply. People with less commitment to their partner would instead say something like, "Yeah, I can never have conversation with him. Its annoying."

•True Love is Intimate. Intimacy is a crucial component of all relationships, regardless of their nature. In order to know another, you need to share parts of yourself. This self-revealing behavior, when reciprocated, forms an emotional bond. Over time this bond strengthens and even evolves, so that two people merge closer and closer together. Intimacy by itself if is a great friendship, but compiled with the other things in this list, it forms an equation for true love.
By Bonny Albo

What causes low self-esteem?

It is not possible to point to one cause of low self-esteem for everyone, because each of us follows a different path through life. The formation of your core beliefs about yourself is a complex process.

Your own inborn nature or temperament will play a role, but your experiences and relationships with the people around you also have an important part to play.

Negative experiences in childhood are often particularly damaging to self-esteem. In your early years your personality and sense of self is being formed, and harmful experiences can leave you feeling that you are not valued or important. You have not had a chance to build up any resilience, so this negative view can become the one that you believe about yourself.

Significant negative experiences in adult life can also shake core beliefs and cause them to change. This will normally happen over time and you might not realise at first that your self-esteem is being lowered. Experiences that commonly impact on people’s beliefs include:

• being subject to abuse – sexual, emotional or physical, and the loss of control associated with this
• having your physical and emotional needs neglected in childhood
• failing to meet the expectations of your parents
• feeling like the 'odd one out' at school
• coming from a community which often experiences prejudice, such as being an asylum seeker, or being poor but living in a wealthy neighbourhood
• peer pressure to conform to social norms which you don't agree with
• bullying or excessive pressures at work
• trauma
• physical ill-health – its impact on your quality of life and activities you can do
• bereavement
• facing redundancy or being unemployed
• social isolation and loneliness.  

The way you feel about experiences such as these will depend on lots of other factors, but negative core beliefs about your intelligence, appearance and abilities will often be formed:

 I think I’m ugly and unattractive. Other people are more intelligent, talented and interesting than me. Most people wouldn’t want to spend any time with me because of these things.

When something happens that reminds you of these significant experiences, you expect the worst and are likely to react badly. Your low expectations are likely to be at the back of your mind all the time.

• You will probably feel anxious and might shake, blush and panic .
• You may also try to avoid the situation all together, or behave in a way that you think will keep you 'safe', e.g. not going to a social event on your own.

This reaction is likely to confirm the negative core beliefs you have about yourself and leave you feeling you have even less chance of coping with a similar situation in the future.

This cycle might seem unbreakable, but it is crucial to remember that these are beliefs, not facts, and they can be changed.

Source; mind.org.uk