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Give With Your Heart!

If you had to measure your giving last week what would be the total? I don't mean financial giving but the total areas of your life where you could stretch and give things like your time, talent, self, ideas, help, guidance, friendship, and love. For some it's high, for others it's low and for the rest it may be barely in the middle.

In a society of ME we often forget about others and too many times we equate giving with dollars. Last week, a friend's aunt passed away and I said, "if there's anything I can do please let me know" a simple phrase that we say often but do we really mean it? The friend called later in the week to ask if I could provide a ride to the airport. I cringed. It was raining horribly and I didn't want too. Remember, I did say, let me know if there is anything I can do. (I wonder if God cringes when we ask for help?)

While in the middle of my dilemma, a colleague called for some assistance on a project (giving my talent). I mentioned a friend had a family death and needed a ride to the airport. I don't want to go, even though I did offer my help. My colleague replied, "the worst thing you can do is offering to help someone if it's not going to build your business." I was stunned especially after I'd spent countless hours assisting this colleague with a project that would not benefit me at all. I thought wow how selfish and my heart was convicted. I immediately got in my car to take my friend to the airport and I was glad to be in a position to do it. I prayed for the family and safe travels.

When we give of our time, talent, self, money, ideas, help, guidance, friendship, and love;

WE receive abundantly! When we give with our head it's easy not to give at all because we can think our way out of giving. That's what we do when we haphazardly offer to do things but we really don't mean it or even if we do mean it at the time we don't really expect people to take us up on it. When they do take us up on it we try to think (head) our way out of it.

When we give with our hands it's easy to take it back. We cancel commitments all the time; we take back that in which we've given way more than we should consciously and unconsciously. We take (hand) back our love, we take (hand) back our friendship, and we take (hand) back our assistance. We control our giving by taking it back and the moment we do we block our blessing and the ability to be a blessing to someone else.

Giving with our head and hand will keep us on the low-end of the giving spectrum. But when we give with our heart amazing things happen. When we give with our heart we give genuinely and not out of obligation. When we give with our heart we give in agape love which is selfless, sacrificial and unconditional and when we give with our heart it allows us to give more time, talent, self, money, ideas, help, guidance, friendship, and love. Let's be genuine, faithful, agape heart-givers this week and increase our giving and watch how we are abundantly blessed in our own areas of need while we bless others.

Dr. Taunya A. Lowe is the CEO of The Resurgent Group of Metro Atlanta, LLC and The Impact Experience, LLC, a human services and leadership development consulting firm located outside Atlanta, GA. Dr. Lowe is a speaker, trainer, coach, with the John Maxwell Team, a professor and entrepreneur. She is a skilled change agent with a focus on developing people and organizations. She enjoys combining her photography and writing to motivate, inspire and lead people toward growth and change.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/7512783

Secrets to Being Rich - It's Not All About Money

Though there is no real secret to being rich. The fact that many people do not understand what it takes makes it seem hidden. People really believe that only a few people in the world know what it takes to be rich. Therefore, if this is true, what do those few people know about being rich?

The first thing that rich people know about being rich is that it is not all about the money. They understand that being rich is not about making and saving as much possible. They are aware that accumulating wealth consists of more than just working hard.

The next thing that rich people know about being rich is that they must first be happy with who they are. They do not base their happiness on how much money they have. Instead, they decide to be happy and the money they need follows.

Another thing that people who are rich understand is that they must be happy with what they do for a living. Yes, they could make a lot of money doing something they would rather not do. However, their money would not last long for they may spend it all in sorrow. Therefore, they work in a place where they can be happy. This way they are happy before they ever receive a paycheck.

Being rich has a lot to do with a person's education. People who are rich understand a good amount about how the world works. They understand a good deal about the importance of learning and continuing to build their knowledge as life goes on. With that, they also have a good knowledge of the importance of knowing how to manage their money.

A very important thing the rich people understand is that their health plays a role in their wealth. Therefore, they do their best to keep themselves in shape. This keeps them from having to spend money on doctor bills or medicines. This also keeps them from having to miss days at work or time away from doing the things they enjoy.

As you can see, people who are rich understand that in order to be rich outwardly, they must first be rich inwardly. Therefore, let us all be happy with ourselves and what we do for a living. Let us continue to grow in what we know and stay healthy as we stay happy. In turn, may the things we need continually follow as we become rich on the inside and outside.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/7516800

Invest In Yourself

If you are interested in personal development it is important you commit to investing in yourself. No matter what it is you want to improve, no matter what you want to achieve, it will almost certainly require an investment or will be much better and be achieved much quicker with the right investment. Start by listing the areas of improvement to which you wish to commit. This can be in a very wide area, and I am not limiting myself at all to one particular niche. Have a look at my previous articles.

Take a look around and see what resources are out there which could help you make serious inroads on those improvements you desire. Examine them carefully. There are a lot of scams out there, but there are also a lot of diamonds if you look carefully enough. Try to find at least one for each of the areas on your list. Don’t worry at this stage about how much money they may cost. All that should concern you right now is whether you believe they will help you achieve your goals better or faster, or both.

Once you have come up with the list of investments you want to make in yourself and are reasonably comfortable that, at least for now, this is a fairly complete list, the next step is to work out how you will pay for them. One problem many people have, though, is that after they have paid all their monthly bills there is no money left to invest in themselves. What may surprise you, though, is that no matter how much you earn you will almost certainly still find there is no money left after paying the bills. How can this be?

 Parkinson’s Second Law The answer lies in Parkinson’s Second Law. You have probably heard his First Law – “work expands to fill the available time”. But perhaps you missed the Second Law – “expenditure rises to meet the available income”. Parkinson’s Second Law is often applied to bureaucracies and they way they can needlessly spend our money. But it is equally applicable to personal expenditure. The corollary of Parkinson’s Second Law is that if you look carefully at your spending you will always find cuts you can make without impacting noticeably on your overall lifestyle. Your first step should therefore be to examine your budget very carefully.

Pretend you are a business which is not making profit. Step back and look at that business as if you were the finance director (or maybe the bank manager!). I think you will be surprised by some of the cuts you could make and still continue to enjoy life just as much. Pay Yourself First Once you have done this, regard yourself as your own primary creditor. You owe yourself a lot of money, so start paying it back. Pay yourself first. Before you pay anyone else. Do not feel guilty about doing this. Every day of your adult life up to now you have paid everyone except yourself. Now it is your turn! How much should you pay yourself?

Well, that depends, of course. It depends on many factors. Not least of which is how much you managed to save off your budget – make sure at least half of this goes to you. Some coaches suggest it should be a minimum of 10% of your gross earnings. But again I stress this depends on your own circumstances and budget. Just don’t allow it to be whittled down to almost nothing! Put it in savings and investments that you resolve not to touch except when investing in yourself. Create a Second Income

Whether you work for someone else or have your own business you should consider ways of creating a second income. You can then reserve most of this new income to invest in yourself (well, the profit on it - as there will always be expenses). One way you can do this is to set up an online marketing business. There are some major advantages of choosing this route rather than, for example, finding an additional part time job somewhere.

The first advantage is that you will be completely in control. You can invest as much or as little time as you like. As your business grows you may decide to give up your "day job" and spend all your working hours moving your internet business forward - but that is entirely up to you. There will be no boss looking over your shoulder telling you to speed things up or do things differently. Of course, you should also recognise this can be a disadvantage - you will need to have some good self-discipline to ensure you spend enough time doing the right things.

The second advantage is linked to the first. You do not have to work on specific days or at specific times. You can choose when to do this work. If you wake up in the middle of the night and cannot get back to sleep you can sit at the computer and do something to move your online business forward.

 The third advantage is that once you have set up your business properly it will begin to generate profits for you even if you do not put a lot of effort in to grow it. You will need to continue doing some work in order to maintain it, so I do not believe it is correct to call it "passive income", but it should certainly generate you high profits for not a great deal of work as long as you have built it correctly.

Be aware, though, that as with any other business an online marketing business will require you to invest time and effort. Do not be misled by claims you will often see that suggest this is a miracle "instant millionaire" formula. It is not! You can certainly become very wealthy if you choose to do so, but this will not happen over night. You will also probably find there will be a few false starts before you get your own formula right. Ideally you should take advice from an internet marketing coach who has been there and done that and who can stop you needing to re-invent the wheel yourself.

This will not be cheap, but it will save you making costly mistakes and ultimately ensure you reach your goal faster if you choose the right coach. Invest in Yourself Once you have started this habit of paying yourself first, and have perhaps additionally created your second income, start to invest with this money. Not in company shares. Not in bricks and mortar. You are going to invest in something far more valuable than that. You are going to invest in yourself!

Origin of Valentines's Day

People have been in love from time immemorial. It would be unjust to ascribe any particular history and origin to love and the feelings that come with it. But Valentine's Day, the day which celebrates love worldwide, sure has a history and origin of its own.

 February is historically chosen to be the month of love and romance and the month to celebrate Valentine's Day. Can you possibly overlook the deluge of love-drenched feelings, the slushy outbreak of 'being in love' and the pervasion of the color red all around when the calendar turns to the month of February? No. None of us can! For, the one thing that's inextricably linked to the month of February is Valentine's Day--the most coveted celebration after Christmas and a day kept aside to let love rule everywhere.

 Come what may, the hype and hoopla surrounding Valentine's Day never goes unnoticed, no matter which part of the world you are placed in! And Valentine's Day incidentally is the 2nd largest card-sending occasion, after Christmas.

Valentine's Day has shadows of both the Christian and Roman traditions. Celebrated famously on February 14 every year, some believe that Valentine's Day has its history and origin in the ancient Roman festival of Lupercalia. The latter was an annual feasting and celebration by the Romans to keep fearful wolves at bay from damaging their crops. Lupercalia was celebrated on February 15 with the young men striking the women because it was believed that these blows would make them more fertile.

 This association of Lupercalia with fertility is probably one reason why Valentine's Day is linked to this ancient Roman festival. Also, on the eve of Lupercalia, which is on February 14, it was quite popular for young women to find their partners for the festival. The romantic origin of Valentine's Day can even be traced to this practice.

No matter what the history and origin of Valentine's Day includes, it sure includes this patron saint named St. Valentine. Now history even has it that there has been more than one legend related to St. Valentine. Summing two legends, we now know that there were two saints (of the same name Valentine) belonging to the early Christian church. One legend holds that when the Roman Emperor Claudius II forbade young men to marry to make better soldiers out of single men, a priest named Valentine defied the orders and secretly married young couples. Consequently he was beheaded on February 14 for his 'crime'. Some even hold that Valentine was killed for trying to help Christians escape the atrocities prevailing in the Roman prisons.

But whatever the facts, ever since, February 14 came to be celebrated as Valentine's Day commemorating this great patron of people in love worldwide. The other story talks of another Valentine who was a children's favorite but was despised by the Romans for his religious defiance. The Romans had him behind the bars but the children still managed to send fond messages to their favorite Valentine. The current custom of exchanging love messages on Valentine's Day might have roots to this age-old tale.

Yet another legend holds that when Valentine was in prison, he fell in love with the prison guard's daughter. And history states that before his death, he wrote a letter to his beloved signing off as 'From your Valentine'. It's not known to which extent these Valentine's Day legends related to its origin are true, but this expression 'From your Valentine' sure caught hold like wildfire. And people still send gifts and cards on Valentine's Day with this tag hanging from them--'From your Valentine'! So you keep the tradition going too.
Probably, the Americans began exchanging handmade Valentine's Day cards in the early years of the eighteenth century. And around 1840, a person called Esther A. Howland began selling the first big production of Valentine's Day greetings in America.

Now, apart from all the facts and figures of Valentine's Day history and origin, one thing that's for sure is the choice of February as the month for celebrating love. In ancient Rome, February was the official kick-off month for the season of spring and was a time to feel happy all over again. Then in the Middle Ages, it was quite a popular belief in France and England that February was the birds' mating season. All these and many more taken together contributed to the consolidation of mid-February as the time for Valentines.
Finally, around 498 AD, Pope Gelasius I declared February 14 as St. Valentine's Day!

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/400704

For All Those That Work

A man came home from work late, tired and irritated, to find his 5-year old son waiting for him at the door.

SON: 'Daddy, may I ask you a question?'

DAD: 'Yea...h sure, what it is?' replied the man.

SON: 'Daddy, how much do you make an hour?'

DAD: 'That's none of your business. Why do you ask such a thing?' the man said angrily.

SON: 'I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?'

DAD: 'If you must know, I make $50 an hour.'

SON: 'Oh,' the little boy replied, with his head down.

SON: 'May I please borrow $25?'

The father was furious, 'If the only reason you asked that is so you can borrow some money to buy a silly toy or some other nonsense, then you march yourself straight to your room and go to bed. Think about why you are being so selfish. I don't work hard everyday for such childish frivolities.'
The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door.

The man sat down and started to get even angrier about the little boy's questions. How dare he ask such questions only to get some money?

After about an hour or so, the man had calmed down and started to think:

Maybe there was something he really needed to buy with that $25.00 and he really didn't ask for money very often The man went to the door of the little boy's room and opened the door.

'Are you asleep, son?' He asked.

'No daddy, I'm awake,' replied the boy.

'I've been thinking, maybe I was too hard on you earlier' said the man. 'It's been a long day and I took out my aggravation on you. Here's the $25 you asked for.'

The little boy sat straight up, smiling. 'Oh, thank you daddy!' he yelled. Then, reaching under his pillow he pulled out some crumpled up bills.

The man saw that the boy already had money and started to get angry again.

The little boy slowly counted out his money, and then looked up at his father.

'Why do you want more money if you already have some?' the father grumbled.

'Because I didn't have enough, but now I do,' the little boy replied.

'Daddy, I have $50 now. Can I buy an hour of your time? Please come home early tomorrow. I would like to have dinner with you.'

The father was crushed. He put his arms around his little son, and he begged for his forgiveness.
___
It's just a short reminder to all of you working so hard in life. We should not let time slip through our fingers without having spent some time with those who really matter to us, those close to our hearts. Do remember to share that $50 worth of your time with someone you love.

If we die tomorrow, the company that we are working for could easily replace us in a matter of hours... But the family & friends we leave behind will feel the loss for the rest of their lives.

Tips to Make a Relationship Last

An English poet named John Donne once said "no man is an island" which means that human beings do not thrive when isolated from others. True enough, we need to have a companion, to love and be loved until we get old. Relationships such as that of friends, lovers, or families will only be meaningful if the parties involved will continue to value the bond among them.
In a romantic relationship for instance, it's very easy for a boy and a girl to have affection for each other. But keeping it is indeed a challenge. There are many obstacles along the way. Good thing is that you are not alone to face whatever the problem is because you have a partner. What a great feeling it is if you both survived the trials in your relationship!
But it's not that easy. Both parties must exert an effort so that their relationship will last. Perhaps the following tips will help especially to those who are struggling with their relationships.
1. Work it out. Since both of you agreed to enter in a relationship, then see to it that you will work it out come what may. None of you are forced to do it, so you are responsible of your actions. There may be ups and downs along the way but it's certainly manageable. Expect that your relationship is not always a bed of roses. Therefore, learn how to deal with it and do everything to succeed with your relationship; after all it's a collaborative effort.
2. Do not dominate your partner. Sometimes a problem will arise when one dominates the other. In this case, the other party will start to think that his or her feelings do not really matter because the domineering partner has always the final say on everything. This is a big NO in a relationship.
3. Share secrets. Your partner will surely love you even more if you do so. Know even the little things about your partner. It doesn't matter if such things are nonsense as long as both of you enjoy each other's company.
4. Spend quality time together. Doing this will make your relationship even stronger as you will know each other better. Perhaps a dinner date, a walk along the beach, or hanging around in plaza or whatever you have in mind that you can spend quality time together. That would be great!
5. Always show your affection. See to it that your partner will feel your genuine affection everything you do. Little things such as giving flowers, chocolates, and greetings will do. But on top of this, don't forget to say "I love you" and you really mean it.
6. Say sorry. Whoever commits mistakes, don't hesitate to say sorry. After all, we are imperfect. Learn to accept that truth. Both of you should learn how to be humble so that your relationship will not be jeopardized. Do not be swallowed up with your pride.
If you will only take your relationship seriously, without a doubt you will succeed. Your relationship will last if both of you will take part by heart. As much as possible do everything


Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/7418771

Work: What’s it all about?

I absolutely love my work! I say that frequently, but also, people say it right back. They say, for example, that they can TELL I love my work. Great! To me: that’s what it’s all about. It keeps me looking for better ways to do what I do. It challenges me to turn my passion into a value proposition for people and organizations out there. I don’t know how I could do it (my work) otherwise. But, of course, I am an entrepreneur and fashioned my company to my own expectations, right?
Well, I can remember back when I had a job. It seems so long ago and…No, I didn’t hate my job. I didn’t think of starting my company to get away from an awful boss or dreary to-do lists. It was still a labor of love. I enjoyed each and every day there and look back to those times with joy and pride. I contributed in ways that can still be felt there, though nobody might know that but me! But I always felt a sense of worth, a way of making a difference in every aspect of the job. I went through a few bosses in the seven years I worked there. And some were much better than others. Times got good and times got tough. I cannot say that there weren’t things there I hated doing, people I had difficulty dealing with and aspects I was challenged to contribute to. But all in all, I felt I was expressing my mission. I was learning and helping to learn. I was creating possibilities and making sure that I left a mark. Those things are important to me.
Chances are, they are important to you as well. Wherever you work and whatever your situation is there, making sure that you work with purpose, regardless of the activity, will keep you sane, connected and interested in life. After all, too much of your time is spent there for it to be a pause in your living. Meaningful work is exactly what you deserve to find and it is the best way of contributing to the world. And it’s not about the activity you do, either. I have seen people make a significant difference and find purpose in just about anything. And waste the opportunity, too! Even in the coolest of jobs.
So, while job fit is great to have, while you make that move or find that dream job or start your own company, there are things to find at work right now:
Meaningful relationships. With clients, with colleagues, with bosses or mentors. Find the people that you would like to learn more from, or that you want to connect to and use the time wisely. Do it AS you work, in the act of working together.
Meaningful execution. Don’t just do. Do with gusto! Understand what you do and how it contributes to the end result. Perfect, innovate, take pride. And, it you can, improve continuously until your activity is natural and simple to execute well. Then, leave crumbs so others can follow suit.
Meaningful transformation. See what your current activity teaches you that you can use in life. Does it make you more patient? Will it move you away from shyness? Does it give you structure, or demand creativity? Make sure you put yourself where you learn and grow. It is everywhere to be found, if you stay open to finding that space.
Meaningful experience. The other day I was telling one of my colleagues that everything we did before prepared us for this moment. We had taken on a project that was bigger than ever and just outside our comfort zone. But we were able to do it because of what those little jobs of the past left us with. We were suddenly grateful for the tough years when we earned our chops doing various things that were needed at the time.
So, tell me… what is YOUR work all about?

Loving Yourself and Your Relationships

"A troop of porcupines is milling about on a cold winter's day. In order to keep from freezing, the animals move closer together. Just as they are close enough to huddle, however, they start to poke each other with their quills. In order to stop the pain, they spread out, lose the advantage of commingling, and again begin to shiver. This sends them back in search of one and other, and the cycle repeats as they struggle to find a comfortable distance between entanglement and freezing." Arthur Shopenhauer
We are wired for love and connection. Without it, as babies, we don't survive. Without it, as adults, we can't thrive. Self actualization simply doesn't happen inside a vacuum. We need others in order to be and share our best. While in the 1950's psychologists still believed that children shouldn't be coddled, nowadays scientists are certain of the detrimental effect that lack of warmth and closeness has not only in childhood but in adulthood as well. Conventional wisdom held that mothers who coddled their offspring created clingy, overdependent youngsters who grew up into incompetent adults. The proper way to rear children was to have an antiseptic, rational distance. In those days, for example, parents weren't allowed to stay in the hospital with their sick sons and daughters; they had to drop the children off at the door.
The troubling effects of this were documented by John Bowlby. It was he who revolutionized this area of psychology by introducing "Attachment theory", which was initially ridiculed and despised by his peers. This theory supports a child's need for safe, ongoing physical and emotional closeness. In the 1990s this theory was broadened to include adults: having a secure connection to our loved ones is empowering. It allows us to thrive.
And so we have an innate desire for community and connection. As the porcupines in Shopenhauer's fable, however, closeness comes with the risk of getting hurt. We prick each other with our figurative quills, and then we retreat to keep a safe distance. To create a sense of emotional safety, we tend to do one of two things: either we strive for closeness at our own detriment, not setting any boundaries and allowing ourselves to be treated badly for the sake of keeping the connection. We won't say no because we fear abandonment. Alternatively, we set up walls and fences, not letting anyone get close, in an effort to keep ourselves safe. Accepting help is out of the question and those softer emotions like intimacy, love, and care are kept at bay.
Neither strategy gets us what we truly want. It creates a false sense of security that eventually will lose its effectiveness. Shopenhauer saw this dance of separateness and closeness as an inevitable dichotomy. I don't agree with him. I strongly believe it is possible to synergize the two and build our connections on "effective dependency". It means being separate (independent) enough to truly bond and allow yourself to be dependent on someone else. This certainly doesn't mean you'll never get hurt. It simply means that you'll have a healthy way of relating to this hurt, so that your emotional safety comes from within first and foremost. You fully accept that risk, because you can choose with whom to connect and with whom not.
My belief in this synergy did not automatically mean I experienced it in my own life. In fact, it has been quite the contrary. I've struggled with maintaining my autonomy and feeling truly connected at the same time. For a long time I was stuck in either feeling completely true to myself, yet alone, or in deep connection with others yet losing myself in the meantime. My desire for connection was so great that I would forget (or, to be honest, flat out refuse) to set conditions to the relationship, whether it be a friendship, love relationship, or even in my work. If the other person wasn't carrying their weight in our relating, I would pick up the slack for them.
A great example of this happened with a friend of mine in high school who lived about 5 miles away from me. Those miles always seemed a lot farther for her than they did for me. So I ended up cycling her way 98% of the time, which was metaphorical of our connection. That kind of lob-sidedness in any kind of relationship won't hold forever. Unless, of course, you're willing to lose yourself in the meantime.
My love relationships weren't much different. In my wanting for others what they want for themselves, I would simply lose connection with what I wanted and needed for me. Then, when I would eventually awaken to that again, I found myself in a situation where the other person wouldn't reciprocate nor was willing to extend themselves. In fact, as I started to take care of myself first, they'd feel betrayed by my sudden "lack of care".
The pain that came from that has led me to explore and uncover the ingredients of how to love yourself and your relationships. How can we be an expression of our authentic essence and truly connect with those we care about? What needs to be present in a connection for it to be able to flourish and strengthen over time? I started reading books on boundaries, on connections and relationships, and all things concerning authenticity and autonomy. I've spoken to countless of people, got coaching, and coached others on this topic. Through all of it, I started to notice patterns. The same essential ingredients seemed to be presented in everything I read or heard, and experienced in my own life. And so my research, my work with my clients, and experimentation in my personal life has led me to a 7-step system that focuses on building a strong inner bond from which we can grow sustainable, loving connections.


Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/7358177

How to Make a Relationship More Serious

Knowing where your relationship is going is an important factor if you are deciding if you want to commit and settle down with someone or not. Maybe you are at a point in your relationship that you want to explore more serious alternatives such as moving from a friendship to dating or moving from dating to marriage. Wherever you are in the process, below you will find tips on ways to make your relationship more serious.

• When speaking about your relationship don't reference yourself and your partner individually, begin to refer to each other by saying "we."


• Imagine yourself spending the rest of your life with the person. Make this person of the utmost priority in your life.


• Focus more on your partner, take some time to think of ways to make your partner feel loved and cared for and be creative.


• Stop thinking like a single person and begin thinking with respect to your union as a couple, picture what life will be like for the two of you.


• Create opportunities for your families to meet, such as holidays or special nights out so that they may get to know each other.


• Discuss your future and goals you share together. You will need to understand your partner's perspective on life and the future and vice versa.

Be realistic about your expectations for a serious relationship. No matter how perfect your partner may seem, there will be challenges and obstacles to overcome. There will be differences of opinion and disagreements. Be sure to open and honest with discussion of your thoughts and feelings and seek outside help if necessary before moving to the next level if you are uncertain about things.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/7343416

What is 'Happy' ?

The top line: People who have one or more close friendships appear to be happier. It doesn’t seem to matter if we have a large network of close relationships or not. What seems to make a difference is if and how often we cooperate in activities and share our personal feelings with a friend or relative. Simply put, it’s not the quantity of our relationships, but the quality that matters.
In 2002, two pioneers of Positive Psychology, Ed Diener and Martin Seligman, conducted a study at the University of Illinois on the 10% of students with the highest scores recorded on a survey of personal happiness. They found that the most salient characteristics shared by students who were very happy and showed the fewest signs of depression were “their strong ties to friends and family and commitment to spending time with them.” (“The New Science of Happiness,” Time Magazine, Claudia Wallis, Jan. 09, 2005).
In one study people were asked on random occasions about their mood. They were found to be happiest with their friends, followed by family members, and least happy if they were alone (Larson). Another study constructed a scale of cooperativeness, ie how willing people were to constructively engage in activities with others. This study showed that the cooperativeness of an individual was a predictor of their happiness, though it did not conclusively show if their cooperation resulted in happiness or the other way around (Lu). A study on the quality of relationships found that to avoid loneliness people needed only one close relationship coupled with a network of other relationships. To form a close relationship required a growing amount of “self-disclosure,” or a willingness to reveal ones personal issues and feelings, and without it people with friends would still be lonely (Weiss). A similar study found that some students who had many friends with whom they often spent time were still plagued by loneliness, and this seemed to be related to their tendency to talk about impersonal topics such as sports and pop music instead of their personal life